It’s only 5.30 in the morning. Gosh, it’s been a while since the last time i woke up this early. I don’t think i want to fall asleep again. So here i am, writing.
An emergency. One of the participants was fainted. As the coordinator of the workshop, i have to be the one taking care of the problems.
The first thing came to my mind was that i have to wake her up. She’s just fainted, right? So i didn’t have to check on her pulse or do the resuscitation. For a while, my mind traveled back to the days when i was a flight attendant. CPR, survival, how to put the fire off, giving a medical treatment. Good. The training has helped me to prepare myself for all of the bad conditions i might have to deal with.
I knew she would feel cold, prepared by my assistant, i brought with me some hot balm and eucalyptus lotion. I don’t really like those kind of thing actually. Those hot smelly things give me headache instead of cure. But if i had to use it somehow, I’d use only the balm although i know it would give a cold effect after a while.
So at 5 in the morning i went down to her room thinking about what would happen. I was worried that she was fainted because she’s just lost her father a week ago. So it must be it. It’s got nothing to do with her body, but the problem was actually in her mind.
When i got there, she was laying in pain on the bed. She was unable to control her breathing. But it’s good. It means that she’s not fainted. One problem had been solved by itself. Her roommate told me that she’s having her period, then i was certain that she was only having cramp on the stomach. If only i had some pills for that, but i don’t even take it. I always believe that body can cure itself.
Our body has the ability to cure itself, especially for some small health problems. Look at (wild) animals, they can cure themselves without any treatment from the vets. That’s what i believe about human body as well. That’s why i don’t really like taking (prescribed) medicines. I think the cure itself is actually there in your own mind. And that’s exactly what i told her.
I asked her to ignore the pain or if she could do it, she should try to relocate the pain to other body parts, so it wouldn’t be too much pain staying in just one place. She had to think positively, that the pain will go away. But i knew the exact reason why; she’s giving up to the grief.
So i rubbed the balm on her hands, feet and stomach. She squeezed my hands tightly every time she’s in pain. I should have said that she could try to ask for God’s help, her God, but i didn’t do that. Was that the sign that I’ve forgotten God?
Then she asked me to call her boyfriend and asking him to come visit her. Then she cried a little bit. That’s nice. She still has someone to lean on, to feel worry for her. I don’t. And I’ve stopped looking or wanting for one as well. But sadly, i also realized that i have no one to turn to either.
I’ve given up on love. I don’t believe in one anymore. Those who said that they love me, are the ones who hurt me the most. I’m not looking for Mr. Right anymore.
I’ve been misled by those signs. Well, my hopes and dreams have all failed me. I used to think that there is actually a series of sign given from above, as the answer to all my questions. It’s all there, I just have to read it carefully and look for the hidden clues. But they all led me to the one thing i dislike: being hurt and let down by my own expectation. Then the theory is proven correct once again. The same excuses, even the same exact words. I’m certain now that they all have been trained to say the same thing when facing the situation.
I’m not going to do that again. I know what i want, but i still can’t see it coming soon. If i have to question about everything, always in searching for the rest of my life, then let it be. I take all the consequences. I believe that there’s a time and place for everything, for everyone. And my time is here and now.
