I’ve been having those weird feelings for the last few days.
My heart was beating fast. I couldn’t sleep.
The phone rang. The person on the other end of the line couldn’t say anything.
But I knew it well. “So he’s gone. I’m coming home.”
I didn’t know what to feel. It’s just an emptiness.
I sent messages to few close friends, telling them what had happened.
Cipta picked me up to help me find a taxi. I was amazed that I was so calm.
It was pass two o’clock in the morning.
Then Ulf said that I could call him anytime I needed someone to talk to.
It was a long way home. An ambulance was parked in front of the house.
So, he’s home.
I walked in slowly. I was quite calm.
He was there, laying on the carpet.
His face looked cold.
She’s in the bedroom, looking tired.
I promised her that it would be the two of us since.
People kept coming by. Strangers. Families. Enemies.
I didn’t put the veil on, not even to honor him. I didn’t want to pretend.
So many people were taking advantages of the situation.
They thought their act of kindness would wipe away their mistakes.
It’s also a turning point when everyone was showing their true colors.
The thieves cleaned him for the last time.
I didn’t cry. What’s gone is gone.
Those who came to give their last respects and chanted him prayers, asked for money.
Those who claimed as families fought over the money.
Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.
Traitors put him six feet under.
They pretended to be sad. But all they sad about was the money.
They were afraid that we’re going to get the money.
I was calm.
I didn’t care about the money.
He gave them everything.
He gave me nothing.
He left me nothing.
Then confusion took me away.
I cried but I didn’t know what to feel.
Orlow was there, listening to my crying.
Be strong and start your fatherless life, he said.
I’ve been living a fatherless life for as long as I could remember.
He’s never there.
And I’ve been living a motherless life since he passed away.
She has chosen her way. I’ve chosen mine.
I’m a waif.
I’m not crying.
