So there I was again, at the small airport of Abu Dhabi. It was still more then 2 hours away to the departure. I was on my way home to a place I wouldn’t call as home.

Hate to leave Cairo, but I was sure that it was for the best. It had to be that way. It had to be ended.

I was in between again. Always in between. Always running away, hiding away and searching until I finally found my home. Too bad i was still being trapped in hopes and dreams. Worse, I felt jealousy.

Anyway, the airport was still a little weird to me. Too many Asian people working at a small airport in an Arab country. Maybe most of them were Indonesian, Filipinos, Thai. But at least they gave free wireless internet. It was not there when i was here two weeks ago.

This time I was alone. Didn’t even try to communicate with anyone at all. I had my computer with me, free internet connection and a power outlet. I felt just fine. No, i didn’t feel fine at all!

I still didn’t understand this whole thing at all. Why there were so many questions i couldn’t answer, or i couldn’t find the answers. How long should i keep on searching?

Should i take another big leap? Done it before, but i believed i would need much more courage if i had to do it again. But i didnt think that i would do that, not now.

All I knew that I wasn’t myself lately. I’ve been fooling myself. I’ve been trying to show people that i was a strong person. But i was not. I’ve lost my grip. Where should i lean on? Was i too independent or was i too dependent? But either way, i’ve never been good enough for anyone.

Hours away from a place i wouldn’t call home.

When could i finally find my home?